Ruminating

Last night I saw her again. It had been awhile, but we didn't skip a beat. That's the way it always is. That's the way it is when you really click with someone.

Sadly, I don't really click like that with anyone else. But that's also special, because I can click especially well with someone...despite that having a relationship doesn't work. Yes, that's sad. But it's also an amazing challenge, one that I hate, cherish, and makes me feel alive. Cherish is a strong word. I don't prefer it, but it certainly makes life a bit more lively.

I think I've decided where I want to go on my 2 week vacation. I'm going to go to Chile to go snowboarding during my summer and their winter.

Anybody ever been? I am getting really excited about this and will likely purchase a ticket soon.

U2 and U not

Went tonight to see my generation's "Rolling Stones" . The Edge def kicks some major ass. Fo sheez.

Otherwise, it was pretty much your standard rock concert, minus Bono making his political plugs which I half buy as genuine.

So I met a girl saturday night...she was dancing at this party I was at. I was forward enough to introduce myself and start a conversation. I thought she was cute and eventually convinced myself that I should ask for her number, which I did. which I thought was a pretty major achievement for yours truly.

So I played the game and gave it a few two days respite, and low and behold, looks like homegirl gave me a dud. that sucks ass. I mean shit. I'm a quality guy and not half bad looking. whatever, her loss. I'm glad that i had the balls to a.) initiate a conversation and b.) ask for her bloody number...fucking wanker.

Green Day

And what a Green Day it was. Wonderful concert. I mean really cool. All the stops. the hits. The rarest of the rare, they pulled on 3 people and fulfilled every great guitar player and music fans dream, on stage. Sweet. Then they had fireworks, and Billy Joe and the boyz kicked ass on their homecoming. Today I was even prouder to call the Bay my home. It aint adopted no longer. Home home on the range.

And I took my cousins, and that ws pretty sweet as well.

Night...

Killer diller

I almost killed Bill Walton tonight. Not really. But he was a street light rebel for sure. I had the turn signal and he was crossing the street on a red light. it was none other than the big tall red head dead head. he was prolly in town for the J Garcia band's tribute. I saw him. Bill Walton, and well, I let him obstruct traffic and my path. Not because he's a basketball legend. Not because he's a legendary broadcaster that I used to hate and have now grown to love. but because he's a decent human being.

Yup. Act like ya know

One person I'd like to meet

If posed the question "If you could have a conversation with anybody who isn't currently alive, who would it be".
My answer would be....drum roll please...

Marvin Gaye. His musical transition is just epic. Started off with a great voice, but had to break it in. And then he did. Found that voice and ran with it. And it was amazing. Then the war happened. And Dr. King got shot. And went down. Puffed on a little hash, and .he did What's Going On? First time he really wrote his own material. And it's wonderful. Then, disco hit. And coke was in the air. And his relationship fell apart. And the music changed. And it began to be more tragic, but with flashes of Brilliance. His life was tough and real. He seemed like a real dude to me. SOme hardships some greatness, but human through and through. He lived the human experience, and well, his life is a bit tragic, and I would just like talk to him. More so, i;d ike to sing with him.

What's love got to do wit it?

I think what bothers me most is that I never get to really express what I think or how I feel. Instead, I just get swept up and under the emotions of seeing her, and forget all that I learned, all that I'd come to terms with, and all the realizations that made my life all the more manageable. Could I write you an email? Sure, but would that make me feel any better? Probably not. I'm so neurotic that I'd wind up checking for a response every hour on the hour.

I am sad, but not overally sad. Certainly not depressed. I think I'm more frustrated. Frustrated with myself, and somewhat frustrated with you too. What frustrates me most is your expectations. They seem so unrealistic to me, and worse, I don't think that you really do know me. I think you love an idea of me. I think you love the comfort you feel around me. hell, I think you love how I idolize you. How I love you. And at times you share that love and even give some of it back. But as soon as you do, it's gone, just as quick as it was there.

I give up. Not on love. Not on me. But on you, and any conception of us. I've had it. One can only take so much. We do share an irrisistable flame. A spark. But I don't ever feel 100% there. How could I? I'm not upset with the fact that I am vulnerable around you. I should be. I can't trust you though. You shy away from being vulnerable. What's worse is that you're dangerous. In many shapes and forms. And I love you. No if ands or buts about it. And I have a lot of love to give. But it's not worth trying anymore.

The First day of the rest of my life...ahhhhh yah.

Today I began my new job. The first job that I saw posted on various help wanted web sites that called out to me. It was the job that I actually wrote a meaningful and pertinent cover letter to. The one that mattered to me, and I got it. A job that will challenge me for years to come. A job that I feel validates my time, energy, efforts, skills, and knowledge learned at the University of California, not to mention all of the freakin' money we spent to go out of state for a seemingly "private school education".

I like the place a lot. Saying I have a lot to learn is pointless really. I do have an immense amount to learn, and I'm very excited to do so. It will be an amazing process. I think the work environment is real cool, laid back, yet very professional.

It's only been one day, but I think I'm in the right place. And I am immensely proud and pretty taken aback by what's transpiring now. Really becoming a MAN. NO shit.